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April 2, 2018

I was talking with a friend today about family and personal values. We both realized that for various reasons we’d strayed from said values. For myself and my family, caring about the planet and being part of the whole, the greater One that encompasses us all, is a big one. There are so many simple ways to express and live this value and yet I’ve dropped the ball. Bit by bit, here are a few ways I intend to pick it up again:

1. Ask for coffee in ceramic. Or bring my own reusable cup.

2. Buy second hand when possible. At my size it’s not always easy, but I’ve found some gems recently.

3. Put some water in the sink and turn off the dadgum faucet while rinsing dishes!

4. Speaking of water: collect the water that comes out while waiting for it to warm up and water the plants with it.

These are just a few, but they’re where I’m putting my focus this week. I’m also making my own bread, which means less packaging wasted and am about to plant a bunch of stuff that, if all goes well, should reduce our use of boxed lettuce (Shut up, I know.) and produce that requires driving. Win win!

What are some of your family’s values? How do you reduce your impact on the planet?


Straight up review-laundry soap

March 4, 2018

81l2BAcNZdLReviews aren’t something I usually (or ever) do, but apparently neither is blogging anymore. I first read about Eco Me Laundry Detergent on Gimme The Good Stuff– a fantastic resource for all things green and good. (It’s also where I learned about Bambo diapers.) I have to be honest when I say, I was suspicious. I’ve tried loads of sensitive/eco detergent that left our clothes…not so clean. But this, THIS, is what’s up.

  • A little goes a long way.
  • Clothes actually get clean.
  • And soft.*
  • It’s expensive, but see first point.

I’ve used all the free and clears out there just about- Tide, All, Seventh Generation*- and none have worked this well.

The downside is availability. You can order from the website (shipping is expensive and they are local, so for me that makes no sense) or amazon (they are often out of the fragrance free, which is how we roll), among some others. I’ve written to them to find out which brick and mortars carry their products and will update when I hear back.

*I bought some Seventh Generation yesterday because we ran out of the Eco Me and, man, our clothes feel rough. Also:

What am I doing here?

October 21, 2017

Tonight we watched Wreck It Ralph. I can’t help it, I love that movie. Yesterday I read some advice that if you have an hour to watch tv, you have an hour to write a blog post* and I thought back over the previous week and saw that I haven’t had such a luxurious hour. I thought, what if there are no minutes? What’s the advice then? I have been known to scribble at stop lights but nothing coherent. The only place I have to take from is sleep, but I have a spoon** situation that doesn’t allow that.

But back to Ralph. Tonight I had that time and I researched plants and made lists and scribbled with the nearest highlighters. I want to stand up and scream, “there’s not fucking space!” But there is. There was. And I squandered it.

There was a time when yoga helped me find space anywhere, but I don’t have time for that anymore. I need yoga to find space for yoga. Oye. I’m giving myself a headache. Insufferable much?


*Seth Godin, I think.

**look up “spoon theory”.

***yeah, I xo’d. Who doesn’t need a kiss and a hug these days?

Today I:

October 16, 2017

Sat in wet purple paint.

Stepped in gum so old it was grey but had been reanimated by the heat.

Left the trunk of my car open in the driveway for 3 hours.

Forgot water boiling on the stove and watered plants instead.

Got an email that said “stop what you’re doing..” and added “cause I’m about to ruin/ the image and the style thatcha used to.” And all was right with the world.

Godzilla’s Arm

September 15, 2017

This thing pops up everywhere. I gasp, mistaking it for a cockroach even though it is dull, pebbly, and green while a cockroach is shiny, smooth, and brown. It makes no sense, really, but my mind rights quickly so it’s just a split moment. Split between the time when I know it is a cockroach and the time when it becomes, and stays, Godzilla’s Arm.

This morning it is on the shelf with the kids’ bath toys. It’s wedged under a ferry boat made out of recycled milk cartons. This morning it is only what it is.

I shower in natural light. I prefer the dark to artificial light. It used to drive me crazy when my mom insisted on turning down the light, but now I get it. It doesn’t take many hours under hot lights to make you sick of it.

My scalp hurts.

This happens when my hair grows beyond two inches. It’s only been less than that once. I was pain free for a few months. The trade off was that I looked like a fat, tightly packed qtip. Basically a tampon.

I’m growing it out now because looking like a tampon makes me feel bad about myself. I don’t think this is what my Mee Maw meant when she said “beauty hurts.” She meant heels.

My mom doesn’t know who Godzilla is. My dad and I used to watch it when it came on in the middle of the day. We ate spaghetti with butter and pepperoni pizza in the shape of a rectangle. We also watched The Sound of Music. It had an intermission. A movie on two tapes. So much about that my kids will never understand.

My son thinks Godzilla is a T-Rex.

My daughter is one. She doesn’t have thoughts about Godzilla.

This arm isn’t actually part of my son’s toy collection. It’s mine.

Knowing the story about me and my dad has lead Cyrus to get every Godzilla-ish toy or statue or gnome eating dinosaur he can find for me. I don’t actually remember the movie. And I don’t really have feeling about Godzilla, but I love the gifts. I really do.


September 1, 2017

I’ve been a notebook keeper since forever, though what they look like tends to change. Lately I’ve been writing goals and intentions for the beginning of the month and doing a little recap at the end of the month. Yesterday I was looking at the goals I had set for August and felt pretty fucking terrible. I could have just gone down the list and written: nope. nope. nopenopenope. sort of. I wondered why I even bother with them. I was reminded when I got to the recap. We build raised beds (Eli got to use the drill!) and planted a vegetable garden. We had kids over who had the best time ever playing in our giant dirt mountain. I planted my dahlias (Finally!). Lots of playdates, time with friends, and time outside. Oh and… ELI WEANED!

I really should say that I weaned him. He would have kept nursing for the foreseeable future but I was DONE. D.O.N.E. It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that nursing is a relationship that needs to work for both parties. Because of my own childhood experience I really wanted my kids to be number 1, but that doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice myself. I’m not interested in being a martyr mama, thank you very much.

So. Yay! Happy September!

Ann Boroch is Dead

August 8, 2017

Ann Boroch is dead.

For those who don’t know: Ann was a naturopath whose claim to fame was that she “healed” herself from debilitating MS by following a special diet and program she designed. For the last 19 years she’s been healing others, not just those with MS, but people with all kinds of afflictions, from cancer to allergies. And me. Well, not really me. She didn’t heal me. I only saw her once. She stuck a thing on my head that told her computer that I had radiation poisoning and sold me a massive bag of loose tea that would sit in my cupboard for I don’t remember how many years and at least two house moves. The whole thing cost almost $500. Frankly, I was unimpressed, but that’s just me.

Loads of folks adore her and give her credit for their miraculous recoveries. Understandably, they are grieving and looking for answers. Her family posted that it was natural causes, which makes no sense considering her age and status as paragon of health. That statement was just asking for people to investigate, which is what they did. One man, Bryan somebody*, posted a link to the coroner’s report stating the cause of death as hanging. *A few hours after that post the entire page was shut down so I can’t go back and find his name.


Not a “natural cause”.

Before that it was grief and conspiracy. After, it was more conspiracy than grief. “Big Pharma” killed another one. There are lists of holistic practitioners who have supposedly died at the hands of “Big Pharma”- always capitalized- even if they died of (actual) natural causes. Her crime, I guess, was the spreading of misinf- sorry- information about the dangers of vaccines.*

I wish the family had conferred with a publicist or whatever profession deals with such announcements before going public. I wish the family hadn’t written “natural causes” when that wasn’t the case. But I can’t fault them, not really. What a shocking, horrible position to be in. My stepmother died suddenly last year and it was hard to figure out how and what to tell people. But then, she wasn’t a public figure.

Hanging: Violence. Horror.

That’s what it is to me.

And now, an uninterested party, I want to know what happened. I’m obsessed with knowing what happened. Did her disease come back and she couldn’t bare to admit her life’s work was wrong? Did she have previous issues with depression? Was it substance abuse? What was it? WHATWASIT??? 

You know what it most likely wasn’t? Big Pharma.

So can we please, please start with the truth and go from there?

Let’s talk depression. Let’s talk suicide prevention. Cool?



*Vaccines are generally safe unless you have an allergy or some other extenuating circumstance. Science is awesome.




Not Yet!

July 28, 2017

I fell asleep refreshing twitter last night and woke up wondering if my insurance would be ripped away. I turned on my computer.

Not yet, mutherfuckers! Not. Fucking. Yet.

I’d say you can have my insurance when you rip it from my cold dead hands, but that’s kind of the GOP’s point, isn’t it?


Regarding John McCain- what was that “wait for the show” thing? Was he just so bummed about everyone hating him that he needed to build suspense before his “no” vote? I guess he really needed to be princess for the day.


Apparently I post once a year now

July 27, 2017


I’d like to say I’m back, but I don’t trust myself. I have a bad habit of bursting back with a flurry then radio silence for months and months, so I won’t say that.

I’ve been talking with a friend about a website that I want to do. Basically a site that encompasses all the things I love and could talk all day about, even though they don’t seem to go together. I started designing it and putting it together and I realized… it’s a blog. A better organized and better looking (than this one) blog.

So… cool. I guess maybe I should just start writing and sharing what I want, right?

October 11, 2016

I gave Eli a bath tonight. Cyrus was walking and talking with Welles. I hadn’t noticed that our new had indeed become normal nor that my awareness of how difficult this all can be was sort of hiding out in the background until that bath. It was so simple and easy. Eli played and we talked. I was very conscious of how much I miss him and our relationship. I miss the routines. I worry that it will never get better/easier now that we have two. I worry that we will never find a midline or a stasis to balance in or at least near. 

Logical me knows we will, but logical me doesn’t seem to be interacting with the rest of my mind. Maybe it’s mad at the rest of me for lack of sleep. Or maybe I just need to chill out and quit worrying so much. That’s easy to do, right?

Did I mention we’re all sick except Welles? 

We’re all sick except Welles. 

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