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Writing, Reading, Insomnia

June 28, 2013

In case you haven’t heard, I can’t sleep. It’s not necessarily new. I’ve dealt with insomnia on and off for as long as I can remember. The first time I had a name to put on it was from a letter Larry McMurtry wrote me. I would write him long letters when I was in my early double digits. Longer when I couldn’t sleep. He had problems with insomnia too. But this feels different.

Every waking moment lately my brain is swirling with thoughts and ideas about writing. Both writing itself and stories that carry so much weight I have to sit down. And then lie down. And then get back up and walk around before I can put them somewhere other than my brain.

I’m reading like a crazy person. Sometimes I’ll stare at a perfect page as though hoping to absorb talent and understanding by osmosis. Looking for cracks. I want to know the secret. Even though I know there is no secret. Unless you count hard work and commitment.

The thing that amazes me most is that, even though I know this, books are still magic to me. And I suspect I’ll never stop staring in awe.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Erin permalink
    June 28, 2013 5:58 am

    I’m sorry about the insomnia but I think this is my favorite post. I bet it’s quite something to know you in real life….

  2. July 4, 2013 12:10 am

    I have exactly the same problem. Some time ago I’ve read there’s a link between a high IQ and insomnia and perfectionism and insomnia. I’m a perfectionist and I can’t shut my brain off from thinking about things I’ve written, things I want to write… Even sentence structures, word choices… are haunting me. So if you are a perfectionist (with most probably a high IQ) too, it can be the reason for your insomnia. I don’t know a solution. Counting sheep, going for a run every day, drinking hot milk with honey… doesn’t work.

    Nowadays I also can’t sleep well because I often have bad dreams about people who hit me with their car. At least twice a night. Even you hit me once. You were driving with such a typical American yellow school bus. Absurd, I know.

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