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I’m okay, you’re okay (even if you’re breech)

February 10, 2014

On Saturday morning Cyrus and I bundled ourselves up and trekked out to the valley for an all day birth class at Bini Birth with Ana Paula Markel. Even though it has been in the back of my mind since I found out I was pregnant and even though she is absolutely one of my heroes, I had been putting it off. I wrote a little more in depth about dragging my feet in my post about hiring a doula, but basically, when I found out my midwife was retiring I kind of shut down and went on autopilot. I let all the things I was planning and wanting for this baby’s birth go. In truth, Cyrus was the one to finally schedule it, so I only half got it together.

When we showed up Ana Paula greeted us, handed us a manual, and pointed us to the stairs. Her vibe and warmth were even more wonderful than I had expected- and I was expecting a lot. We both felt instantly comfortable and agreed that the energy of the whole place was special. It’s cozy, but spacious. It lends itself to learning and information, but also to relaxing and vegging out. One thing that  stood out to me right away was a lack of pressure and abundance of welcoming acceptance. An invitation to  “come as you are”, which can be rare in the world of pregnancy and babies.

We settled in upstairs and the class got underway. We all introduced ourselves and had a few hours of learnin’. (It began with an anatomy section- I LOVE anatomy!) At the break we discovered that one couple in the class is very close friends with my sister and her girlfriend. I’ve been hearing about these two forever, so it was really nice to put faces to names. Such a fun coincidence.

By lunch my head was swimming and spinning. If my brain were a person it would have looked a lot like Julie Andrews on the hill in Sound of Music. I had so much I wanted to process and talk about, but at the same time I couldn’t properly articulate it.

After lunch was more learnin’, some hands on stuff, and a video. (The reason I’m not going into any real detail is that honestly, I don’t think I could do it all justice.) When it was over Cyrus and I felt even more connected to each other and our baby. (I know, barf.) At one point he looked at me and said, “I know he will turn and I know you can do this. It’s going to be amazing.” I didn’t start crying, but I definitely replayed that moment over and over!

So… “he will turn”. Our baby is breech. He’s been breech since he resembled a crawfish, which lessens the likelihood of his turning spontaneously. Although the doctor keeps assuring me that there is a decent chance he could, that chance gets smaller as the weeks go on. This is caused me a lot of anxiety and sadness. I want more than anything for him to be healthy, beyond that my deepest desire is for a natural birth. I want him to choose his birthday. I want to go through the process. Taking the class really reinforced those feelings. BUT, and here is what I think is amazing, after talking briefly to Ana Paula about our situation I feel maybe, sort of, kind of, dare I say it?, at peace with a possible cesarean*. (Still scared of surgery, exhaustion and meds, though!) She showed me that there are ways to still have the birth you want, within it. She also really reinforced in class that a cesarean is still a BIRTH. YOU birth the baby, however that happens. It’s funny to have to be reminded of that. One of my nearest and dearest had a baby via cesarean last year and is, in my opinion, one bad ass, superhero, amazing mama. After she gave birth I was in awe of her. I don’t get why I have felt differently when it comes to myself. This class changed that.

I wish every mom and dad to be could take this class, however their babies come into the world. Yes, it was informative, but more than anything- for me- it was empowering and a reminder of what a beautiful and exciting thing it is to become a parent.

* I’m still doing the exercises at spinning babies, acupuncture, and calling Dr. Berlin, but if none of it works, I know I’ll be okay.



10 Comments leave one →
  1. February 10, 2014 10:45 am

    Awww, I’m sorry the baby’s position is bothering you. I agree w/ Ana Paula; it’s *still* a birth. I guarantee within days of his arrival, you won’t be stressing over how he got here, only celebrating that he’s here! (P.S. I had a C with #3; it was a piece o’cake!)

    • Clementine permalink*
      February 10, 2014 11:42 am

      Juli, it helps so much to read this!

  2. February 10, 2014 11:22 am

    My bird was vaginal and it was a really rough delivery. More on that if you want later. Suffice it to say, it was bad enough that Ben and I made the choice for Julian to be born via cesarean. It was only 11 days ago and it’s all happening and it’s all fresh in my mind if you wanna talk/message/email about it.
    Let me tell you that I struggled so much with the decision. I felt guilt and disappointment. I questioned myself. Ultimately, I knew it was best for Jules and for me. Just this morning I said to Ben that there’s no doubt in my mind this is how the boy was meant to be born. Everything happens and unfolds as it should. We might not have the answers as things are happening, but they’re there.
    Anyway, let me know if you have questions about any of the experience. xo

    • Clementine permalink*
      February 10, 2014 11:41 am

      Most definitely going to take you up on that! 🙂 xo

  3. SarahJp permalink
    February 10, 2014 11:24 am

    Hi Clementine,
    Hopefully this post works, i’d tried to reply in this way on an earlier blog post, but without success & being, that there is only so much you can put in 140 Charc. without sentiment being lost or misconstrude in some way I thought i’d try this.

    Now, I’ve not been in the position you in, i.e pregnant – but as an overviewer, what seems to come across from what you’ve said, is your anxious which is understandable your a first time mum, but try to relax..

    I’ve just googled turning breech babies naturally and the advice seems quite varied, from getting dad to calmly talk & tell baby where he needs to be positioning himself or to play music to him by placing the earphones by your pubic bone.. (whale music is meant to be a popular choice??) Walking is meant to be good (for you that is).. anyway have a read of what i’ve just read, it might help in someway –

    That’s enough from me, before I start wittering on.


    • Clementine permalink*
      February 10, 2014 11:40 am

      Hmmm I don’t know why it wouldn’t work before. It could have been something I did. I’m still new to the whole moderating thing.
      Thank you so much for you suggestions!

      • SarahJp permalink
        February 10, 2014 11:58 am

        I think the posting error was actually down to me.. smart phones are good but not always ideal.. and my patience by the end of that day had waned somewhat.

        I’m not sure any of my above post will be of any use, but to echo your other blog responses.. Baby Wilcox will make his magnificent debut, how and when he’s ready, and like most boys.. will leave everything to the last minute.

  4. Mary Beth permalink
    February 10, 2014 4:27 pm

    My acupuncture professional says that acupuncture can “inspire” babies to turn, however, she also indicated that this must be done within a fairly narrow window of time.

    And just in case the acupuncture or other measures don’t work, my mom told me I was a breech baby. The doctor turned me using forceps and I was delivered via the birth canal. The only way I’d ever have known this is because I have a very slight mark from the forceps on each side on the temple (well that-And my mom told me!).


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