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37 Weeks, An Update, and Some Thoughts On Control

March 8, 2014

37 weeks in Beverly Hills. Photo by Dad.

No make up. Looking older than I am. A little puffy. A lot pregnant. Couldn’t be happier.

Yesterday the doctor told me that the baby is still head down. He also told me how unlikely it would be for him to turn back to breech. I’m afraid to even publish this, what if I jinx us? But I’m learning that hope and happiness don’t mean that everything will come crumbling down. At least, I’m trying to learn it, but to me hope equates with disappointment. Happiness is tinged with that old waiting for the other foot.

What if I could accept that I don’t have that level of control? That just because I cross this leg that way, I’m not keeping the plane in the air, or that speaking or typing something has no bearing on whether or not it will happen? What if I could find freedom from the illusion of control? I’m not even sure I know what that looks like, but I’d like to find out. Sooner rather than later.

One Comment leave one →
  1. VeganInLA permalink
    March 8, 2014 10:50 am

    You look radiant!

    I always hope for the best and prepare for the worst. (Just in case) I’ve learned we really don’t have control over most situations. It’s ok to talk about it, etc. Sometimes I wish we had that kind of control:power because I’d make sure to talk about me winning the $600,000,000 lottery.

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