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How did this happen?

April 28, 2014

I have moments throughout the day when I think, “how did this happen?” I’ll give you a minute to get out all your snarky, dirty answers.

Seriously though. How did I come to this place with a beautiful baby, smelling of spit up, late night nursing, and gummy smiles? All of the things I dreamed of and imagined are happening. Yep, even the “gross” stuff. How do I own a home? How am I happily married? Who AM I?

It’s so easy to forget how lucky I am in those moments that are less than pleasant. In those moments when I look in the mirror and barely recognize myself because I’m so haggard. When I look down at my stomach, an empty sack, riddled with stretch marks, looking like a biggest loser contestant at weigh in halfway through. But it comes back around. I’m a mom. I am a fucking mom, you guys. I have never wanted to be anything as much or for as long as I’ve wanted this.

I know I am blessed. There are things in my life that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but without them I wouldn’t be here today, so I can’t complain. I know at some point I’ll take it all for granted, until then I’ll take these overwhelming and massive waves of gratitude.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 30, 2014 4:37 am

    Stretch marks are badges of honor! The exhaustion will pass. I look at my girls with wonder and awe everyday because it is unbelievable that they are so wonderful and mine. And yeah, I’m the mummy so I clean up a lot of poop, dry a lot of tears, and do the unpleasant jobs that I wish the housecleaning fairies could do for me. And I get paid in cuddles and giggles and amazing companionship.

  2. Karin permalink
    April 30, 2014 10:51 am

    What a touching and beautiful photo of father and son! Little Eli is precious and I think you know exactly who you are …… a very lucky woman!

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