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Let’s check in and re-assess, shall we?

July 7, 2014

It’s Monday, technically not a full week since I set those 30 day goals, but I’d like to check in on the first day of the week, so here we are.

You already know how the meditation goal went. Blogging is obvious- if you’re reading it, I’m keeping up with it. I will say though that it’s more difficult than I thought. There have been days when I only just made the deadline and others when they’ve just flowed. I think it’s easy to get caught in the day to day of taking care of a baby, having only that, and letting everything else slide. Before you say that it’s understandable and to go easy on myself let me tell you that, for the most part, I have an “easy” baby, and I’ve found that when I push myself to do more, I feel better. I need to do laundry sometimes. I need to work out, to take a shower. Without these things my head spins. The way I see it, if I have to time to facebook and instagram, I have time to do these other things as well. (Yes, I can do technology with one hand so it’s a little different. But, with the wrap or carrier I get two hands and laundry folding!)

The walking goal has gone the way of meditation. I’ve done my best and strung together a few days, but ultimately the heat beat me. Even at 7am it is too hot for me to safely walk alone. And by “alone”, I mean “alone with Eli and Gilly”. Truly alone, I can put one foot in front of the other and trip home blind if I must, but with those two it isn’t worth it. I’m very sad to let it go, but I know that, with 90+ degree days coming up, it isn’t going to happen. (The baby hates the car, so driving to the beach for a walk isn’t happening either.)

I honestly didn’t want to admit to this, but then I know I would spin it into a massive failure. Now that I see it in black and white, maybe it isn’t so bad after all. Maybe the lesson is equally learning to let go as it is following through to completion.

Gilligan with room service desert at Shutters the day after we lost P. The photo right before this one is that last picture ever taken of her. And now I'm a mess. Go hug your babies.

(unrelated to post.) Gilligan with room service desert at Shutters the day after we lost P. The picture right before this one in iPhoto is the last picture ever taken of her. And now I’m a mess. Go hug your babies.

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