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Not so sleeping baby

October 30, 2014

Last night as I tried to put Eli to bed I gave him the whole spiel: when you sleep is when you grow, so it’s very important that you close your eyes and settle down. He squawked at me. His not-so-little eyes were half closed and he was fighting them from going any further.

Finally, FINALLY!, he fell asleep around 9:30. A full 2.5 hours since we started the bedtime routine. A half an hour later, I joined him.

Cut to: 5:30am
I’m awake and I have to pee. I’ve had to pee since at least 3, but I’m so tired I vacillate too much between sleeping and waking to make a move. Until I can’t stand it. I get up. Cyrus turns to put a hand on Eli, just in case.

I’m still tired but the prospect of a handful of quiet minutes with coffee and my thoughts pulls me into the kitchen. It really is just that- a handful- before Cyrus is up and getting ready for work.

After his shower he comes out of the bedroom and mentions that Eli is smashed up again the makeshift guard rail on my side of the bed. I go look and, sure enough there he is, sleeping baby sleep with his back up against my pillow. He looks fine. I start to leave. But then I think, what if? I imagine him somehow rolling over the blockade and ending up on the floor. I make a decision. I’m just going to move him the tiniest bit. Not even 6 inches. Just three. Maybe.

I slide my right hand under his shoulder and head, my left under his hip. I imagine flowing like water. He curls up and stretches. That’s okay, his eyes are still closed. Then he rolls to where he thinks I and my breasts should be. It’s over. He pops his head around before opening his eyes. He flips over into updog and looks at me.


I guess I’ll change him, since he’s up anyway. Then he’ll go back to sleep for an hour.


He pees all over me. I change my clothes. I try to help him sleep, but it’s not working. He’s fussy but half asleep.

He looks at me as if to say, Hey dummy, didn’t anyone ever tell you not to wake a sleeping baby? I look back thinking, yes, but no one said anything about moving one.

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