I gave Eli a bath tonight. Cyrus was walking and talking with Welles. I hadn’t noticed that our new had indeed become normal nor that my awareness of how difficult this all can be was sort of hiding out in the background until that bath. It was so simple and easy. Eli played and we talked. I was very conscious of how much I miss him and our relationship. I miss the routines. I worry that it will never get better/easier now that we have two. I worry that we will never find a midline or a stasis to balance in or at least near.
Logical me knows we will, but logical me doesn’t seem to be interacting with the rest of my mind. Maybe it’s mad at the rest of me for lack of sleep. Or maybe I just need to chill out and quit worrying so much. That’s easy to do, right?
Did I mention we’re all sick except Welles?
We’re all sick except Welles.